8- 'The Knave of Hearts'

She was rather sceptical about the idea. A "Racing Snail", who would ever have thought of such a thing. It's rather curious that a Toad would even be riding on top of a snail but that it would even be capable of going at any other speed than a mere slow craw. And yet here she is, on top of a snail that is in fact moving at such an incredible speed across this dirt road with a great rising cloud of dust rising behind it. For Alice it almost felt like she was riding on the back end of a bicycle.

Alice;
"This really is a Racing Snail!"

Mr. Toad;
"Of course! And with a Tsunade brand like this not even the White Rabbit's contraption can outrun us, we could catch up to him in no time at all if we knew where he was!"

Alice;
"Wait a minute, Tsunade? What in the world is that?"

Mr. Toad;
"The good company who made such fine motor-vehicles as this beauty."

Alice;
"But this ain't a vehicle, it's a snail. You can't make snails."

Mr. Toad;
"Not by yourself no, but with two snails to help you then you might be able to make on. Hehee."

Alice;
"Well that certainly is a straight forward statement."

Mr. Toad;
"I'm always straight and to the point when it comes to methods my dear."

Alice;
"MR. TOAD LOOK OUT!"

He only looked back towards Alice for a moment, but it seemed it was enough for him to not see what looked like a couple of playing cards with arms and legs step into the middle of the road.

Mr. Toad;
"HEAVENS TO BETSY!!"

He hit the brakes as hard as he could, the snail screeching ever so loudly and almost roughly to a complete stop. They are now only inches in front of these two figures, given a good look of the two Alice can see that these cards were pretty much nothing but armor and little else. They are quite intimidating and, quite frankly, souless as their cold eyes glare back with no sign of life behind them. They just don't even look sentient at all, but all the same Mr. Toad decides to yell at them for stepping in the middle of the road.

Mr. Toad;
"What in the name of the Bellman's Trousers are you idiots doing?! Don't you know it is just rude to step in the middle of the road like this?!"

Knave of Hearts;
"Don't you know it's just rude to be speeding down the road like a maniac whilst on a racing snail?"

In comes a very dark man, lanky and tall and much like these cards was basically armored from head to toe save for the rather villainous warlocky head with a nasty glaring look in his one eye (for the other was behind a monocle you see).

Mr. Toad;
"Oh dearO_O."

Alice;
"What is it Mr. Toad? Who, who is this man?"

She then feels her hand taken swiftly by this man as he gives her a gentleman's bow, introducing himself to her.

Knave of Hearts;
"Nothing more than a mere Knave of Hearts my dear, at your service, as well as the service of the people."

Mr. Toad;
"Service of the people, bah..."

Knave of Hearts;
"Scoff as much as you want you slimy Toad, my service to the commoners of this land is why I'm here."

Mr. Toad;
"A rather bleak and unpleasant fellow like you here on behalf of the people? And just what people would that be?"

Knave of Hearts;
"The N.W.A.P.P.M.R.9. of course."

Alice;
"The N.W.A.P.P.M.R.9. ?"

Knave of Hearts;
"The National Worrywart Activists for the Protection and Perservation of Mome Rath."

Alice;
"...but why the nine?"

Mr. Toad;
"Aparantly it represents how there are ten members."

Alice;
"Ten? But then why does it say nine?"

Mr. Toad;
"The tenth member is very shy, he doesn't like being noticed most of the time."

Alice;
"Wait, then what are these Mome Raths?"

Knave of Hearts;
"Take a look for yourself."

The Knave points down towards the ground right before the racing snail's wake, Alice then notices that there are strange little creatures walking about the ground in two rows. They are basically fuzzies with eyes, their bodies nothing more than legs with no feet, each on is of two different vibrant colors with no two combinations the same.

They are a bit slow but manage to get across the road well enough and as they do the massive cards then step aside from the snail's path.

Knave of Hearts;
"And now you are free to go, perhaps you won't go so fast in the future. I am sure this isn't the last time you come this way."

Mr. Toad;
"What is the meaning of this act of kindness? You're actually helping to protect the Mome Raths from becoming road kill?"

Knave of Hearts;
"By order of the Queen of Hearts, of course^-^."

The Toad's face was just turned white as he heard the Knave mention that particular person.

Mr. Toad;
".........the...the Queen of Hearts...O_o?"

The Knave just smiles in response, he is enjoying the Toad's reaction most definetely.

Knave of Hearts;
"Yes, you see she has made it a criminal offense to accidentally or purposally run over Mome Raths, the punishment for such an offense is, well, death."

Alice;
"Death?!"

Knave of Hearts;
"By a shot from a blunderbust."

Alice;
"How aweful! A bit much isn't it?"

Knave of Hearts;
"Well tht's what you get when you constantly beg the Queen of Hearts with candy and rose to set up a bill to protect these little buggers from extinction. Honestly it was getting annoying how they kept trying to plee to her. Personally I would have just had them sentenced to a beating by Keyblades, but she just didn't care at all whether they lived or died that she just passed the bill only to shut them up."

Mr. Toad;
"And now people will die if they so much as trip on a pebble and land on top of one?! What madness is that?!"

Knave of Hearts;
"Need I remind you Toad that this is Kingdom Hearts. Not Kingdom White Tears or Kingdom Red Roses, KINGDOM HEARTS. Here you have no freedom, not when the Queen of Hearts decides to take it away from you when she so chooses to. Just be glad we even stopped you instead of just letting you run them over just so we can have an excuse to get in a little target practice!"

A rather harsh statement, one that surely makes it clear to Alice just how slimy and unpleasant these people are. This is the first time she has ever heard of Kingdom Hearts but already she can see the people running it are most unpleasant indeed. And with that the Knave steps aside to let the snail on its way, it moves slowly.

Knave of Hearts;
"Before you go, I'm just curious."

The snail stops.

Mr. Frog;
"What is it you are curious about?"

Knave of Hearts;
"Along Grumble Beach, my men had discovered what looks like a crud cafe..."

Alice can feel her heart jump into her throat, she does not say anything and tries not to react.

Knave of Hearts;
"...and inside they had found what looks like a double homicide. A Walrus with his head decapitated, a Carpenter with a hole in his head. Both the result of a knife."

He is quite close to Alice as he speaks, his eyes gazing towards her.

Knave of Hearts;
"You wouldn't happen to know anything about it by any chance? Any information will be most appreciated."

Alice;
"......I'm sorry, I don't know anything of use to you."

He gives her a moment of silence and one last glare, then he just turns around and walks away.

Knave of Hearts;
"Well I guess I won't hold you up, you seem to be in a hurry. Just remember, don't step on the Mome Raths. Have a nice day^-^."

Mr. Toad;
"We'll certainly try."

And with that the snail starts moving again, leaving the Knave and his assortment of cards behind them.

And once more they travel at a quickening pace, hoping to reach the White Rabbit's house before he does. But Alice is troubled now.

Alice;
"This Queen of Hearts..."

Mr. Toad;
"Hmmm?"

Alice;
"If Kingdom Hearts really is such a nasty place and its people of authority unpleasant, then, is this Queen of Hearts really that bad?"

Mr. Toad;
"Well, let me ask you this young miss; how is the Queen of Hearts not like a typhoon?"

Alice;
"......I don't quite follow."

Mr. Toad;
"Well the moment you figure that one out you'll know all there is to know of the Queen of Hearts. Stay away from her and her company if at all possible, that is my only advice on the matter."

There is a sign up ahead, it reads "Rabbit's House This Way". They are almost at their destination.

Alice;
"This land is Kingdom Hearts isn't it."

Mr. Toad;
"I'm afraid so my dear, the few decent folk in this land have no choice, the gates to the other Kingdoms were sealed up long ago thus we cannot move. All we can do is live our lives as best we can."

Alice;
"How aweful it must be to live here..."

Mr. Toad;
"It's not all bad, after all that Hatter and his counterpart Hare get along just fine^-^."

Alice;
"......I can see that^-^."

Mr. Toad;
"Chin up my dear, Kingdom Hearts is not a total loss..."

But all the same Alice is in an unfriendly place, her first few experiences here are proof enough of that. And while she has had made a few friends regardless, chances are they are the only decent folk in all of Kingdom Hearts. Lucky she still has that knife tucked away in her skirt front, there really is no telling when she might need to bring it out...
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AND NO! I'M NOT ACTUALLY CROSSING OVER KH WITH ALICE IN WONDERLAND! I'm just using the name as a convenient means to describe the Queen of Hearts' domain. And yes, I'm using all three "Queen" characters, people often confuse the Queen of Hearts with the Red Queen and whilst similar characters they are not the same person no matter how many times you look at it. This is part of the reason I consider Tim Burton's film to be an adaptaion of "Through the Looking Glass", that story is whare the Red and White Queens originated from and the whole "epic Narnia-sh battle" the film's plot is fixated on is (at least for me) rather reminiscent of the Looking Glass story's overall plot, Alice finding herself in a game of chess against the Red Queen. So yeah, not so much a "remake" as oppose a very vaguely done sequel to the Disney animated classic (though don't quote me on that I could easily be wrong, it's just a loose opinion).

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